tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 22, 2011 12:00am-1:05am EDT
"our america" airs sunday on the own network. and i hope you'll meet me back here monday night when i sit down with the biographer of the late steve jobs. startling new details on the life and death of this american genius. thank you for watching abc news. "gma" tomorrow. have a great weekend. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: if i was on "dancing with the stars," i was watching rob kardashian. i would do a lot of this. >> dicky: eva longoria. >> oh, my gold. >> jimmy: you really jumped in there and handled my clarinet, didn't you? >> dicky: from "dancing with the stars," elissa bet that canalis. and music from glen campbell. >> michael jackson's up in heaven. >> michael jackson's up in heaven. he's black agabig!
big, big. big big big big? big big big big big. big big...big. ♪ big big big -big. -big! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ big big big -big big. -big! -big -big! -♪ big -big. -big big big. big big big. big big big. small. big big big big. small! [ male announcer ] e space-saving, eco-friendly, totally unique smart. unbig. uncar. ♪
>> jimmy: hello, everyone. thank you very much. thank you. well, it's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming to visit. i have to say, i appreciate that, but there's a lot going on tonight, i have no time for nonsense. oh, wait, i have nothing but time for nonsense. we'll start with the involuntary manslaughter trial of michael jackson's personal physician, dr. conrad murray. his trial got started today here in l.a. and we when we have a celebrity trial in l.a., we go nuts. it's -- it's like all the crazy people have been in hibernation somewhere and then all of a sudden they pop out to celebration. there was quite a scene outside the courthouse today, including one very familiar face, that of our old friend jake byrd. we met him outside the courthouse when michael jackson himself was on trial the first time, i think. and we also saw jake outside the courthouse for the second o.j. simpson trial.
which we have -- >> we expect mr. simpson to be processed and released -- >> yes! >> fairly quickly. >> jimmy: and when paris hilton got sent to prison, jake was there to support her, too. >> he ruled that he was remanding miss hilton to sheriff's custody to serve the remainder of her sentence at the century regional detention center -- >> no, no, no! >> jimmy: and today, outside the conrad murray trial, see if you can guess who was there. >> is there anything we can give you, any piece of information that can help you decide? they want a decision. everybody wants a decision. >> we've seen the movies where one person is holding out -- how real is that? one person holding out against everybody else. >> jimmy: that's him, all right. so, jake byrd was all over the trial coverage today. we'll have a full report from him in a few minutes. i think he might be here in the building, too. but before we get to that, we
have some very important ballroom dancing news. yet another celebrity eliminated from "dancing with the stars" tonight. why does this keep happening? it seems like every week. tonight, italian model, actress and former george clooney girlfriend elisabetta canalis was voted off. she and her partner val will be here to chat with us in a little bit. at which time, i plan to give her a lengthy and detailed criticism of her quickstep. if i was on "dancing with the stars," i was watching rob kardashian. i would do a lot of this. it would be my move. and then occasionally -- [ laughter ] last night's "dancing with the stars" was a little bit flashier than the usual. primarily because one of the dancers actually flashed the audience. nancy grace had a wardrobe malfunction, as they call it, and some of her parts wound up outside her bra. why can't it ever be the nipple you want to see? [ laughter ] david arquette, for instance. cnn, nancy grace works for cnn.
they actually broke in live into an interview piers morgan was doing with michael moore to report on this big story. if you did not see it, here's what happened. now that's nancy and her partner tristan. they are dancing. the dance wasn't going that great. they ended up getting two 5s and a 6 for a total of 16 out of 30. but in the end here, when tristan dipped nancy, i guess her -- her dress must have kind of pulled back and all of a sudden, they went to this shot. and then they went back to nancy and then back to this very bored looking audience. i guess they -- i don't know. i don't know why they do it. most of the audience seemed to be in a coma. but -- if this ever happens again, where they need to throw to shots of an audience to cover up, they should use this audience, instead. now watch. there you have nancy dancing. now is where you have to go cover it up. bam. source awards. now back to the ballroom.
bam, the olympics. it's better, right? you know, it's not every day you get to see a cable news person's nipples. [ laughter ] elsewhere in reality television, the producers of the show "jersey shore" just got some bad news. the show was supposed to receive a $420,000 tax credit from the state of new jersey, but new jersey governor chris christie vetoed it. he said, he didn't think tax dollars should go to a show that, quote, does nothing more than perpetuate misconceptions about the state and its citizens. apparently he's concerned that the show is giving new jersey as a reputation of empty headed muscle heads and drunken absolusluts. the old days, jersey was known for mobsters and toxic waste. in other governor news, our former governor arnold schwarzenegger has -- arnold schwarzenegger has commissioned a sculptor to create seven larger than life statues of himself in a speedo.
so i guess he's taking the divorce well. [ laughter ] this is one of the statues. it's -- there's arnold with it. eight feet tall, weighs 580 pounds. it's made of bronze and horse steroids. the statues depict schwarzenegger during his pumping iron days, opposed to the more recent pumping the housekeeper days. but -- look at those two. you could cut the sexual tension with a -- [ applause ] i don't know why he needs seven. has anyone considered the possibility that the statues might come to life and take over the world? i mean, think about it. how can they not? one of the statues is set to go to the arnold schwarzenegger museum in austria. another one is supposed to go to columbus, ohio, for the annual arnold fitness weekend. and arnold said he wants one for himself. to use as a hood ornament on his hummer. you know what would make a good
birthday present for maria shriver? one of those statues and a bazooka. you know, i hope that 10,000 years from now, the only evidence that human life ever existed on this planet are those seven statues of arnold schwarzenegger. then they'll know how awesome we were. this is bad news. "the wall street journal" is reporting that 20,000 heat-seeking missiles have gone missing in libya. though, if you are going to lose them anywhere that's the safest place, probably. each of the missiles is capable of bringing down an airliner, which is terrible news for pretty much everyone except maybe these guys. >> we're america's bus companies. we're crowded, smelly, filled with screaming kids and sloppy people eating with their mouths open. but hey. enjoy your flight. the bus. we're on the ground.
>> jimmy: you know what, i'll still take the plane. [ applause ] all right, well, as i -- as i explained earlier, our friend jake byrd was in downtown l.a. today for the first day of the dr. conrad murray trial. he was on the front page of cnn.com today. he was on almost every news cast and now jake is here today with this for us, too. >> hey, jake byrd, celebrity avenger. i'm at the michael jackson murder trial. you know, michael jackson would still be alive if conrad murray gave him oxygen, so i'm not taking any chances. oh, that's cold. here we go. here we go. that's what i'm talking about. justice for michael! justice for michael! tito, up here, buddy. justice, buddy, justice. that was tito. i touched him. total tito. >> as far as him having to deal
with his pain, that was his pain. but how it was done by dr. conrad murray was not right. >> i don't know why people need drugs to relax. you can go to brookstone and smith one of those massage chairs for free until the day manager asks you if you are going to buy anything. >> he may have tried all of that. >> i hope he did. >> he was a child of god who gave to the world. >> but michael is still alive in our hearts. >> he's alive in heaven. >> that's right. >> and in a secret chamber under six flags magic mountain. >> michael had gone over to the medicine cabinet and picked up the propofol and injected himself and committed suicide. >> i would have rather seen michael eaten by bees than died like that. backpack buddies. look liking into a time machine. >> michael jackson go to the doctor, he's always there i guess because of the financials and then -- that's all i have to say on that one.
>> michael jackson could have had any doctor he wanted. he could have had dr. drew, dr. phil, dr. oz, dr. laura, dr. ruth, dr. 90210, dr. dre, dr. bomb bay or dr. howard, >> it's possible. >> or dr. detroit. or dr. laura. or dr. quinn medicine woman. or dr. maya angelou. can i touch your crazy hair? >> yes, you can. >> oh. >> all right, oh, yes. >> michael jackson more in the universe in heaven. >> michael jackson is up there in heaven right now. he's black again. he's got his nose back and he's smiling, man. he's smiling. nancy grace, great job on "dancing with the stars." >> i'm not nancy. >> great job on "dancing." you're going to win the whole thing. >> i'm not nancy. >> nancy grace! >> there are a lot of conrad murray supporters here, something we did not see at the preliminary hearing in january.
a lot of the folks were here, more jackson fans out here, ryan, though, than conrad murray fans. far more -- >> you're great, nancy, great. >> i am not nancy grace. >> this gentleman here keeps telling me i'm going to win "dancing with the stars," i keep telling him i'm not nancy. >> you're a great dancer either way. >> that's not nancy grace anyhow. it's not. >> that's not? >> no. >> that's nancy grace. >> no, i work with her. it's not nancy grace. >> are you sure? >> yes. >> do you watch "dancing with the stars"? >> i know nancy grace personally. >> that's not nancy grace. >> i'm pretty sure it is, dude. >> they are having a civilized discussion, pro and con. that's the situation out here. >> there's pros and cons. >> toss it back tow, vinnie. >> propofol and conrad murray. those are the pros and cons -- >> when she's on live, you really can't start screaming. >> she's taping now? >> yes, everything is live. you can't scream when she's on. >> geez oh. >> i sat behind the jackson family during the opening statements and the biggest reaction that has come out of
these proceedings so far has been when the prosecution played that audio tape of michael jackson during his opening statements. i'll have a complete wrapup coming up on the news at 6:00. back to you in the studio. >> how does she do that so good? you nailed that, brandy. >> thank you. i appreciate that. ♪ and the two of us need look no more ♪ ♪ we both found what we were looking for ♪ ♪ with the friends to call my own ♪ ♪ i'll never be alone ♪ and you my friend will see ♪ you've got a friend in me ♪ you've got a friend in me ♪ a friend like ben we're awesome. >> yeah. >> conrad murray hates white people, that's why he killed michael jackson.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you. jake byrd, everybody. he's here. with the oxygen. hey, we have a good show for you tonight. from "dancing with the stars," elisabetta canalis and her partner val are here. we have music from glen campbell. and we'll be right back with eva longoria, so stick around. tonight we're setting the table with something new. come in for olive garden's new stuffed rigatonis, hearty pasta stuffed with a blend of five italian cheeses. for just $11.95 try the rigatoni with grilled chicken in a roasted garlic alfredo. or for just $9.95 try the rigatoni with sausage in tomato alfredo. both served with our unlimited fresh salad or homemade soup and warm breadsticks. so grab a table tonight at olive garden.
when you're here you're family. how do i tie a bowtie, again? what's the fastest way to hartford hospital? do i need an umbrella in new york this weekend? remind me to call chris when i get home. move my meeting from 3 to 4. what does a weasel look like? remind me to get milk when i leave work. tell my wife i'm gonna' make it. wake me up at 6. play some coltrane. i'm locked out. [siri: i found 3 locksmiths fairly close to you.] [announcer: say hello to the most amazing iphone yet.]
well... 'cause i could pay a little at a time... but actually we do -- and my kids would be like, "awesome, mom!" oh! i did not see that. [ male announcer ] layaway's back for christmas in our toys, electronics, and jewelry departments. [ male announcer ] layaway's back for christmas yoohoo, hi. i noticed you used the largest cash back card... why is that? they give me 5% cash back at department stores this quarter. but only on up to $300 worth of merchandise. so the most you can earn is $15 dollars. chase freedom also gives you 5% cash back at department stores this quarter but on up to $1,500 worth of purchases. that is $75. that's 5 times more! woo. get your cash back. activate today at chase.com/freedom.
[ male announcer ] little owen wanted to play, but his nose was raw and sore. achoo! [ male announcer ] and common tissue made it burn even more. ♪ puffs plus lotion is more soothing than common tissue, and it delivers our most soothing lotion for every nose issue. a nose in need deserves puffs plus lotion indeed.
[ cheering ] so you can make any day joylicious! monopoly? eeeehhhhh!!! [ male announcer ] monopoly is back at mcdonald's. eeeeehhh! [ male announcer ] and winners will be everywhere. you may be the next one. eeehhhh! [ male announcer ] this year there's a one in four chance to win with millions of winning game pieces. cash prizes up to a million dollars plus thousands of other prizes. come to mcdonald's and play monopoly. the simple joy of being a winner. ♪
i think that's how you pronounce his name. and then, after more than 70 albums, this is his last from the studio. it is called "ghost on the canvas," glen campbell from the bud light stage. the great glen campbell. tomorrow night, mark wahlberg, from "family guy," seth macfarlane and mark is bringing a friend that eats things named nacho. i got an e-mail today, what do want mark's friend nacho to eat tomorrow? seems like nachos would be it, right? that might be cannibalism, though. so i don't know. and then on thursday, the creators of "south park," matt and trey and jessica capshaw and music from givers. please join us this week. after seven years of deflowering teenage gardeners, punching nuns and being a problem neighbor in general, our first guest tonight goes our victory lap on the eighth and final season of "desperate housewives." you can see it sunday nights at 9:00 here on abc. please say hello to eva
longoria. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good, good. >> jimmy: you look lovely. i heard you had dinner with the president of the united states last night. >> i did. i'm trying to make sure nothing's showing. wait -- that's not good. >> jimmy: you don't want to pull a nancy grace here. be really careful. >> i'm going to do this. >> jimmy: we should get you an apron. >> i need -- for short people. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. well, we do this to torment short people. >> yes, yes. i'm going to sit back. >> jimmy: how do you have dinner with the president? was it just the two of you? >> it was just the two of us. no, it was a fund-raiser. >> jimmy: it was? >> and did you pay $18,000 to go to this fund-raiser? >> ah, something. something in there. >> jimmy: the food, i hope, was very good.
>> no, but you know what, it's a special privilege to meet our commander in chief. >> jimmy: sure, yeah. >> and i'm a big obama supporter no matter what he's been through. he's been beaten up the past couple of years. >> jimmy: did you tell him that? >> i did. >> jimmy: and was he receptive? >> he's been very receptive. i'm a big advocate for latino issues. he's been a big listener and he's done a lot of coalitions and a lot of round tables regarding what we want changed and -- >> jimmy: when you say he's a big listener, you're making fun of his years? of his ears? >> no! no. you know, he keeps getting beat up lately because there's such an extremist movement happening and it's a very dangerous -- for me, it's very dangerous, because it's not the character of america. it's really under attack. and he's been governing in a state of emergency since the time he went into office. so, we haven't really seen him do what he can do. >> jimmy: and do you know him well? >> i do. >> jimmy: and does he say, hey what's going on? >> yeah, how are you, yeah. >> jimmy: what do you call him? >> mr. president. >> jimmy: you call him mr.
president. you have to. >> you have to. >> jimmy: you can't say, barack or -- he probably would like it if somebody called him barry. >> barry. probably not. no. >> jimmy: and does oprah know about your relationship with him? [ laughter ] >> she does. >> jimmy: she does. and she cleared this? >> she's okay with it. >> jimmy: okay, good. all right. i'm just worried for your safety. >> what are you? a democrat, republican, independent? >> i'm italian-american. [ laughter ] >> very good. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and german and irish. >> you're a mutt. >> jimmy: i don't like to say because then people think that jokes -- >> you can't say, yeah. >> jimmy: jokes come from a certain standpoint when the truth is we have a lot of writers here who are various things and who try to get their things in and i just read them. >> yeah. you just read the teleprompter. >> jimmy: exactly. but i will say i am grateful for, like, the tea party, for instance -- >> source of comedy? >> jimmy: but for all the wrong reasons. for sure. they are funny when they have their signs that are spelled wrong.
>> right, right. >> jimmy: i like it. >> i'm sure they're a source for good comedy. >> jimmy: this is the last season of "dancing with the stars" -- >> sure. >> jimmy: why is that? >> i'm not on "dancing with the stars." >> jimmy: oh. i'm sorry. the "d" thing got me confused. >> i was like, oh, my god, is it? wow. >> jimmy: i didn't want to break it here, but yes, this -- the show's been canceled. to be honest, i've had enough. >> it's because -- and we're done. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, of "desperate housewives." the "d" thing confused me. this really is the last season. >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: you guys decided, all right, we're still doing well, wrap this up, none of us get along, i've had -- >> no. >> jimmy: it up to here -- >> enough. no, no, no. >> jimmy: is everyone getting along? >> yeah. >> jimmy: even more so because it's the last season? >> we're very nostalgic, yeah. we're like, aw.
every episode is bittersweet. but it's been eight years, which is a really long run, so, we were all kind of okay with -- >> jimmy: do you think about the beginning, like, the very first days and -- >> yes, always. and it went by like that. >> jimmy: how many times did you audition to be on the show? >> for "desperate housewives?" >> jimmy: yeah. >> like, four, five times. >> jimmy: wow. >> but it was like my seventh audition, my first audition was my seventh of the day. >> jimmy: oh, really? of the day? >> of the day. my last audition of the day and i was working and changing in the car, going to auditions, i was like, a doctor, i put on a doctor's coat, i would read, i'd be like, okay, no, hooker. hooker. and then i would take it off. and then i would go and, gabrielle, hooker, okay, it was fine. so, no, and then i went into -- i was the first one cast of "desperate housewives," the first person to go in. and it was our -- [ applause ] well -- it was so nerve wracking. it was so nerve wracking.
>> jimmy: i'll bet. >> and when you are a nobody, you go into the auditions and they are like, next, thank you, next. and so i go in this audition and mark was like, did you read the script, what did you think of the script? and i was like, oh, no, i just read my part. and he said he knew i was gabrielle from the moment because that was the most selfish thing that anybody could have ever said. >> jimmy: really? >> he's like -- and you got it. >> jimmy: that worked out all right then. >> yeah, i was like, oh, crap. nobody ever asks your opinion. what did you think of the script? nobody asks that in these auditions. >> jimmy: really? is that right? i would think that they want that kind of validation but i guess -- >> yeah no. >> jimmy: in this case -- >> not at the level i was at. i was just a soap star. >> jimmy: you took a vacation to spain -- >> i did. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about this, because i heard so much about the restaurant you went to. i've heard of it. i've never been there. it's closed now. but it was open only six months out of the year. >> a year waiting list. >> jimmy: the best restaurant in the world.
>> five years in a row, everything, yeah. >> jimmy: and they do very unusual things with the food. >> they do. molecular gastromomy. it's like, they really -- >> jimmy: they break things down. >> they break things down. >> jimmy: how long was this meal? >> seven hours. >> jimmy: seven hours long. >> 45 courses. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: where do you put 45 courses? >> they are this big. >> jimmy: oh, little tiny. but even so, 45 is a lot. >> i had to take a break at half time. >> jimmy: i ate -- i once ate 75 chicken mcnuggets, i could barely finish my large order of fries. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: so this is the beginning of the meal. >> that was the -- that's one course. >> jimmy: what is that? what's on the spoon? >> it's an olive. >> jimmy: okay. >> it explodes. it's some sort of exploding olive. it's a chemical reaction that happens in your mouth and it goes -- and it tastes like an olive.
but it's not an olive. >> jimmy: and this is? >> that's a mojito. >> jimmy: it looks like a snow cone with french fries in it. >> no, it's a mojito. it's filled with alcohol and it's sugar cane. i was drunk off one of those little sugar sticks. >> jimmy: this is? >> that, i don't know what that was. i didn't eat it. it was -- >> jimmy: you didn't eat this? >> very spanish and the spanish eat it. it's called -- i don't know. >> jimmy: is that a razor clam? >> it's like something that attaches on a rock in the ocean. >> jimmy: oh, like a barnacle. >> yes. that's what it is. a barnacle. that's what it is. >> jimmy: what is this? >> that's a ball of cheese. >> jimmy: the whole thing? >> it's hollow inside. you pop it and it goes -- >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. was that good? >> yeah. pretty good. that's mashed potatoes. >> jimmy: this looks like an electrical coil. >> it does. >> jimmy: that's mashed poe day taupes? >> a potato of some sort. >> jimmy: did they dehydrate it? >> the way they do it is so crazy. it's insane.
>> jimmy: here you are enjoying shrimp? >> it's like a, yeah -- >> jimmy: you love it? >> i don't like it because it's raw. >> jimmy: this is what? >> it looks like a tomato but it's not a tomato. >> jimmy: what is it? >> a cousin of the tomato. >> jimmy: oh. >> tomei taupe's cousin. i don't know. but it's -- that's the juice of it and then they put cream on the other side. really good. >> jimmy: and this is -- i don't even know if i have these right side up or down. >> that, it looks like carbonara -- but it's not. it's a gelatin, it's a fake pasta. >> jimmy: it looks like gummy worms in some sort of a -- >> but it's good. >> jimmy: and this is you at the end of the meal? >> that's me at halftime. >> jimmy: halftime? >> halfway through, i was like, i can't take anymore. and i was drunk, so. >> jimmy: that is some experience. and the place is closed. >> they closed. it turned into an institute. >> jimmy: you ate everything and closed the place down. >> i closed it down.
it was so good. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break here. when we come back, we have a mutual, i wouldn't say talent, but skill? i wouldn't even say that. >> hobby? past hobby? >> jimmy: we'll explain when we come back. eva longoria is here. "desperate housewives" sunday nights at 9:00 here on abc. we'll be right back. [ jennifer ] here... this is my world. ♪ this place inspires me to be tougher... to stay sharper... to think faster. they may be just streets to you. but to me... they're a playground. ♪ ...loving you ♪ 'cause i'm alive, i can breathe, i can feel ♪ ♪ i believe ♪ and there ain't no doubt about it ♪ so the show went late in tulsa and i woke up in the van in omaha. that's life in a band. got online and got us to the next gig. sound check,
equipment check, tweaked the t-shirt designs. nice. showtime. small place, massive crowd. they seemed into it except for the guy throwing stuff. moron. laptop fell but didn't crash. good thing. we killed it. picked up a few new fans. show ended but the night didn't. we drove a few hours before camping out then watched the first cut of our first video. not a bad day. lenovo. for those who do. aren't you a little, like, old to be trick-or-treating? [ robotic voice ] it is a growth spurt.
fair enough. [ male announcer ] you're never too old for a smooth, delicious milky way caramel. and...an rv step rug. [ cellphone rings ] hello? did you get battlefield 3 yet? i'm waiting online. i really doubt that because it just went on sale, and you drive like my meemaw so i always beat you home with the game. not this time. howya like my mobile man cave? used to belong to a rapper. what rapper? lil' d...zebba...dice? [ male announcer ] rated 'm' for mature. get battlefield 3 at 12:01, october 25th. the fastest way to play is walmart. vo: a breakfast worth waking up for. enjoy the sausage, egg and cheese croissan'wich today. only at burger king. is the kind you can forget about cocompletely. presenting the acti-fresh™ liner from carefree®. so thin, so absorbent, so comfortable
you'll forget you're wearing a liner. acti-fresh™ from carefree®. wonderfully forgettable™. lililililililililililililililil. a liner. now for just $6.95 enjoy a half pressed panini with unlimited salad or a half pressed panini with unlimited soup. choose from three great varieties like grilled chicken caprese. it's our new half panini lunch. just $6.95. only at olive garden.
>> so, my husband is having a little problem in the bedroom. >> with his weiner. >> yes, with his weiner. >> well, you can relax. i'm like a doctor and i get this problem all the time with older women. >> older? excuse me, i don't think our ages are that far apart. when were you born? >> 1992. >> me, too.
all right, enough chitchat. give me a taste of what i'm going to learn here. >> okay. that will do it. >> jimmy: that's eva longoria. "desperate housewives," the final season. you guys finally got to the stripper pole. >> finally. i almost killed myself doing that scene. you'll see. >> jimmy: it seems dangerous. >> it is very dangerous. i had pole burn and it was not fun. >> jimmy: pole burn is a real thing? >> it is a real thing. >> jimmy: we talked last time you were here about the fact that we both played clarinet in high school. >> did you have an overbite? i did. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. that's me in high school. no, that's -- that's actually junior high school. [ applause ] >> oh, you look so much better now. >> jimmy: i don't know why i let these people in my yearbook, but -- you can see it didn't really work out for me with the ladies.
but you playing, i think for a woman, it's okay. >> yeah. i can't believe you did. why did you pick that one? >> jimmy: you want to know honestly? i thought -- i wanted to play the trombone and i thought they were called a clarinet. >> no. >> jimmy: so i got to my class in sixth grade and i said, i think i'm in the wrong class, i'm here for, you know, clarinet, and the band teacher laughed and then i went home and my mom had purr dhased a chair net and i didn't know you could return things so i was too guilty to tell her. i just said, the hell with it. >> let's see. >> jimmy: what? oh. well, i have mine. and i know you have a clarinet. is this yours? >> no. you guys gots me the oldest clarinet ever made. >> jimmy: that's the one i had in high school, actually. >> this is yours you didn't want to return. this is a -- >> jimmy: that's a good one. 0 okay, so, i have a better -- >> wow, look at yours. >> jimmy: mine has my name on it and everything. >> oh, my god.
>> jimmy: you really jumped in there and handled my clarinet, didn't you? ♪ i haven't played in a long time, but -- do you know dueling banjos? >> okay. >> jimmy: you want to do dueling clarinets? >> sure. i'm not very good. >> jimmy: i've never been good. i'll start. okay, i'll start and then we'll go back and forth. ♪ >> jimmy: nice. [ applause ] ♪ >> oh, okay. ♪ >> jimmy: i think that's yankee doodle now.
♪ [ applause ] >> that was horrible. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. that was beautiful. well, you know, i'm going to practice. next time you come we'll really light it up. >> we should, like, really jam. can you jam on a clarinet? >> jimmy: eva longoria, everybody. "desperate housewives" airs sunday nights at 9:00 here on abc. we'll be right back with elisabetta canalis and val chmerkovskiy. ♪ any, anytober
even the italian b.m.t. melt and steak & cheese. subway. eat fresh... all day long. i just signed the whole family up for unlimited mobile to mobile minutes. you're kidding. no. where's that money coming from, steve? did it even cross your mind to ask your wife before signing us up for something so expensive? my mother was right; i should have married john clarke. they were free. i got them when i signed us up for unlimited messaging. [ male announcer ] get more value from at&t. buy an unlimited messaging plan, and call any u.s. mobile phone free. at&t. wait a second... with olay challenge that. new regenerist wrinkle revolution... relaxes the look of wrinkles instantly, and the look of deep wrinkles in 14 days. ready, set, smooth... regenerist. from olay. how do we get people to chew another piece? i got this one. oh hey. [ male announcer ] spit it out. or yeti will find you. [ grunts ] i like him.
how do i tie a bowtie, again? what's the fastest way to hartford hospital? do i need an umbrella in new york this weekend? remind me to call chris when i get home. move my meeting from 3 to 4. what does a weasel look like? remind me to get milk when i leave work. tell my wife i'm gonna' make it. wake me up at 6. play some coltrane. i'm locked out. [siri: i found 3 locksmiths fairly close to you.] [announcer: say hello to the most amazing iphone yet.] uauauauauauauaual clutch six-spd automatic transmission that changes gears so efficiently... you get up to 40 miles per gallon highway... changing the way we think about...changing gears.
the ford focus, with up to 40 miles per gallon, highway. the problem? right here. i couldn't breathe... i couldn't sleep and mornings? rough. i tried tissues and neti pot thingy and even more tissues then i said enough! and i found the solution. [ female announcer ] drug-free breathe right nasal strips. i put it on and...wow! instant relief. i breathed better...slept better felt better. [ female announcer ] take the breathe right challenge and breathe better or your money back. [ man ] come on! it's your right to breathe right! well... 'cause i could pay a little at a time... but actually we do -- and my kids would be like, "awesome, mom!" oh! i did not see that.
[ male announcer ] layaway's back for christmas in our toys, electronics, and jewelry departments. no, i wouldn't use that single miles credit card. hey, aren't you... shhh. i'm researching a role. today's special... the capital one venture card. you earn double miles on every purchase. impressive. chalk is a lost medium. if you're not earning double miles... you're settling for half. was that really necessary? [ male announcer ] get the venture card at capitalone.com and earn double miles on every purchase every day. what's in your wallet? cover for me. i have an audition. tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatu to a wifi hotspot.llet? and then there are cars that can become a wifi hotspot. the ford focus with the industry-first sync with myford touch.
>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. glen campbell is still to come. tonight, our next guest was eliminated from "dancing with the stars," despite some pretty good scores from the judges last night, proving once again that american tv viewers hate beautiful women. along with her partner val chmerkovskiy, please say hello to the second celebrity e voted
off this season, elisabetta canalis. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i'm sorry, i know this is disappointing, probably. yes? is it disappointing? >> yes. >> jimmy: true or false, you guys did not get along at all. >> that's not true. we get along, but of course we had a little fight and they showed it -- >> jimmy: was it just one little fight or were you fighting throughout the process? >> we kept it real. >> jimmy: you kept it real? >> from the beginning. i think it's part of the process, you know, the argument, the laughter. there was a lot of laughter. they didn't show that. but you know, anybody who is like smiling on camera and everything, they're lying. i'm not a great actor. this is my first season, i didn't really know how to behave. i just behaved naturally, the way i was used to teaching. >> not easy to teach me how to dance.
>> jimmy: so, what you're saying is, you did not get along. >> no, we got along. she's amazing. >> no, really, really. >> jimmy: okay. for rey, okay. i wanted to throw it out there and see what you guys would say. and now, last night, you got pretty good scores. >> yes. much more than the first night, the public saved us and today they punished us. i don't know. >> jimmy: do you think they're penalizing you for both of you being foreigners, coming into our country and trying to take our mirror ball? >> i hope not. i think that of course don't have a big fan base that everybody has because -- >> jimmy: because you're italian. >> okay, i'm not american, i'm not a celebrity here, of course, and while this was the first -- >> jimmy: and no one likes val. >> no. nobody likes me. >> he has at l lot of fans. he has more fans than me. >> jimmy: and your brother is on the show. was he happy you joined the show?
look who's going to be on the show, my little brother. >> no, he was ecstatic. we are really supportive of one another and he's very upset that i'm gone. >> jimmy: do you think he voted for you? [ laughter ] >> i hope not. i hope he voted for himself. >> jimmy: did you remember to vote for yourself? >> okay, yesterday, i didn't. >> jimmy: you didn't? how do you -- >> i thought i was safe. >> jimmy: how do you expect people to vote for you when you are not voting even for yourself? >> i know, because -- i don't know, i'm -- you want to know the truth? i was at the restaurant and my phone didn't have battery so i couldn't call. so, my friends were calling but -- it was not enough. >> jimmy: i guess it wasn't enough. because you did not support yourself. you really have to do that. >> don't -- okay, it's my fault because i didn't vote the 12 times. >> jimmy: i bet nancy grace voted for herself. >> she always says that. >> jimmy: did you see her naked yesterday? were you witnesses to that? >> i told her it was going to happen. >> jimmy: you did?
>> because i knew she had to do this and, you know -- >> what did she have to do? >> jimmy: val, you are a very randy individual, aren't you? >> i keep it real. >> jimmy: you keep it real. khloe kardashian tweeted something nasty about you? on twitter, right? >> i didn't see. i think that they were -- i hope they didn't do it, i hope that they -- >> jimmy: no, they did do it. >> really? >> jimmy: they did do it. i looked it up. they did it. would you like to attack the kardashians right now? >> no, i don't, because rob is actually very sweet and i think they were just supporting their brother. >> jimmy: at whose expense? yours. i don't know. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i tell you what, you are very docile for an italian woman. i don't recognize this at all from my family. i'll tell you. >> do i speak italian? >> jimmy: no. i barely play the clarinet.
well, i'm sorry this didn't work out for you. did you have fun? >> i had a lot of fun. i want to thank everybody, the producers, the makeup artists, the stylists, everybody working there. >> jimmy: and will you go on the italian version of "dancing with the stars"? >> we have "dancing with the stars" -- >> jimmy: i know. >> i didn't make any plan now. i don't know. i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow. >> jimmy: okay. all right, all right. >> good morning l.a. " >> jimmy: okay. i think "good morning america" tomorrow. that's different. it's a whole big thing we got going here. well, unfortunately we have a tradition here and we're going to go outside to hollywood boulevard now for the ceremonial burning of the capezios. elisabetta, tonight you were eliminated from "dancing with the stars" and now your shoes will pay the price. guillermo? america has spoken.
sometimes you want to give your immune system some support. try new airborne chewable tablets. each serving contains 14 vitamins, minerals and herbs... including zinc, echinacea, ginger, and a blast of vitamin c. it's the easy, great-tasting way to help support your immune system. airborne. in fast-acting effervescent formula, and new super-convenient chewable tablets!
>> thank y'all! >> jimmy: i want to thank eva longoria, elisabetta and val. i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him tonight. tomorrow night, mark wahlberg and seth macfarlane will be here. this is his new album. it's called "ghost on the canvas." playing us off the air with the song "a better place," once again, glen campbell. good night! ♪ ♪ i've tried and ill have failed lord ♪ ♪ i've won and i have lost ♪ i've lived ♪ and i have loved lord